I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
