do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
