I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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