We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
