At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
