Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
