dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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