'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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