a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
pray to the hookup gods
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
