I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
