So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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