I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
