wrigley field is MILF paradise
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
