Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
