Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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