i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
