I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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