Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
