I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
