my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
