i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have fence marks all over my body
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
