Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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