I must be too annoying 4 u.
only if we run a train.
done.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
