Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
