mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
