weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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