I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
