I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
