He kissed a someone with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
