Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
