Only a mothe r could love this liver
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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