So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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