the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
