The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
