apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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