I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
