My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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