Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I see more hoeing in ur future
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
