the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
