I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
