Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
