Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
