Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
