I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
