pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
