How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
