Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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