and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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