Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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