the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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