I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
