new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
