ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
