laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
