Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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