WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
