Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
