Plan B is the new Plan A
We named our party play list daddy issues
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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